ForgetMeNot
by YanksLuver
Summary: Vaughn sends Sydney on a special Valentine's Day trip down memory lane, which leads to a surprise.


Title: Forget-Me-Not

Author: Steph (ILUVNYYANK@aol.com) 

Category: Romance with some angst

Pairings: Syd/Vaughn

Spoilers: Season 1 stuff, Season 2: "The Passage Part 1", "Crossings", and a couple of lines from the commercials for the next episode.

Rating: PG 

Archive: Sure, just let me know where. 

Disclaimer: Alias and its characters do not belong to me. I do this out of 

a love for the show and no infringement is intended. 

Summary: Vaughn sends Sydney on a special Valentine's Day trip down memory lane, which leads to a surprise.

Note #1: Hey guys! So, I've been dying to do a Valentine's Day fanfic. This idea to came to me, which I thought would be interesting to write.  There are two lines in here from the commercials for next episode.  This is what they are, just so you know: "As much as I still have feelings for you, I won't be the other woman" and "Everyday I wish I could go back in time".   So, hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you thought.  Oh and Happy Valentine's Day! 

Note#2: Sorry about the formatting on parts of this.  There are parts where it's supposed to be italicized that wouldn't stay italicized for some reason and the spacing is a little off in one or two parts.  Sorry!  ~Steph

* * * Forget-Me-Not: Part 1/1 * * *

       Sydney sighed as she exited her car.  She was exhausted, having just returned from an operation in Taiwan.  It had been a solo mission.  She realized how much she'd grown accustomed to having Vaughn with her.  Even in their current strained state, she'd missed his presence.  The solitude only gave her time to think about him...about them, which only made it harder.  

       And, now, it was Valentine's Day and she was spending it alone.  She couldn't wait to crawl into bed and sleep through it.  

       Sydney made her way to the front door, fumbling around in her purse for her keys.  She finally found them, but before she could open the door her attention was drawn to ground.  On the mat, lay a bunch of flowers.  She couldn't be sure, but she thought they were asters.  Either that or daisies.  She always mixed the two up.  

       Brow furrowing with a mixture of surprise, confusion and anticipation, she bent down to pick up the flowers.  Attached to them, she found a card.  Upon closer examination, she realized the card was one of those pre-printed kinds with information about the flowers on them.  One part had been highlighted in yellow:

Asters 

_Meaning: A wish that things could be different_

       Sydney could feel her throat begin to tighten, knowing instantly who the flowers were from.   But why had he sent them?  What did it mean?  They both wished things could be different, but they weren't.  Had something changed since she'd seen him last?  Could something change in two days?  

       Sydney thought back to their last serious conversation.  She'd seen him right before she left for Taiwan, but their most recent mission together was when they had last spoken...really spoken.  

~~Five Days Earlier~~

       Vaughn looked up from his reading, his gaze finding Sydney.  She was also reading, head bent, legs folded beneath her. 

       He found himself staring and moved his attention back down to his book.  A moment later, Sydney lifted her eyes and focused them on him. 

       They'd been doing this little dance for the better part of two hours, since they boarded the plane.  One looking, then the other...both keenly aware of the other's eyes on them.  They hadn't said a word.  

       Vaughn finally had enough.  He shut his book and met her eyes before she had a chance to look down.  

       "How long are we going to do this?"

       "Do what?" she asked, her forehead wrinkling in confusion.  

       "This," he said, gesturing with a hand between them.

       Her expression remained unchanged. "What?"

       Vaughn sighed and leaned forward in his seat.  "Act like nothing happened.  Ignore the elephant in the room.  We've been doing it for weeks now, Syd."

       Sydney closed her book, using it as an excuse to remove her eyes from his.  This was their first mission together since North Korea.  They hadn't said anything meaningful to each other since that time, both acting as if the moments they shared were non-existent.  

       She finally raised her eyes to meet his.  "I don't know what you want me to say.  What happened in North Korea...what we said and did, was all in the moment.  We thought we were going to die.  If you're worried that I thought it might mean things would be different, then don't.   I know it didn't mean anything."

       Vaughn shook his head, his voice soft.   "No, Syd, that's just it.  It meant everything."

       Sydney's eyes widened and she shook her head.  "Vaughn."

       "Syd, thinking we were going to die doesn't make what we said any less true...what we did any less real."

       Sydney's jaw tightened, anger and frustration now building up inside her.  "But it doesn't matter, Vaughn!" She paused and took a deep breath, before going on more softly, "Nothing's changed, so it doesn't matter."

       "Sydney," he whispered.  

       She pursed her lips and looked at him. "You're still married.  You're still with Lauren.  Knowing how we both feel doesn't change that.  So I don't see the point in talking about it."

       "I'm committed to Lauren.  I can't just throw that away, but-..."

       "But what?" she asked challengingly, cutting him off.

       He let out a breath and ran a hand across his face.  He spoke quietly. "But I don't know how to do this.  That's what I was trying to tell you in North Korea. I don't know how to be around you and not be with you.   I don't know how to go back to just being your friend, Sydney.  That's what makes this even harder.  We started out as friends.  We could always depend on that, no matter what.  But after I got a taste of what it was like to be with you, to love you and have you love me back, I didn't know how to go back.  I still don't."

       Sydney shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. "So what then?  Before everything happened in North Korea, we decided that it would be best for one of us to move on.  Do you still believe that?"

       Vaughn stared at her for a long moment, his eyes suddenly taking on a faraway look.  "You know, it's funny.  After I thought you died, I used to pray...wish that somehow you'd come back.  Logically, I knew that was impossible.  They had a body with a DNA match, but that didn't stop me.  I would have made a deal with the devil if it meant having you back for just one day.  I actually used to make these silent bargains with God.  Let her live and I'll do whatever you want.  I just want her to be alive and happy.  I actually believed that if you ever came back, it would be enough for me to know you were alive with the potential to be happy.  That's what real love is, right?  The willingness to sacrifice your happiness for your loved one.  Then, just like that, my prayers were answered, my wishes granted.  You were back.  You were alive.  But just knowing that wasn't enough."

       Sydney felt a tear begin to stroll down her cheek and quickly wiped it away with the back of her hand.  She swallowed against the lump in her throat.  "Why are you telling me this?"  

       "Because I can't imagine living my life knowing you're in this world, but not being able to see you.  I don't want to be transferred and I don't want you to be transferred either.   I need you in my life, Syd.  Losing that would hurt more than anything."

       They stared at each other for a long moment, before Sydney looked away.  "Then this is how it's going to be?   You don't know how to be my friend, but you need to see me.  That leaves us where we started, Vaughn."

       "I know."  He sighed and rubbed at his eyes, his voice emerging just above a whisper.  "And every time I look at you, every time I'm near you, all I want to do is kiss you."

       She swallowed hard.  "I don't know what you want from me.  As much as I still have feelings for you, I won't be the other woman."

       Vaughn almost found himself smirking at the thought. "You could never be the other woman, Sydney.  And I would never even think to ask you to be."

       They stared at each other for a few moments, both wondering where this left them... where they would go from here.  

       She finally spoke again, her voice heavy with emotion.  "Everyday I wish I could go back in time.  I took so much for granted."  She paused and smiled at him, "Pretty silly, huh?  Wanting something you can never have."

       He shook his head.  "No, I think that's what keeps us going.  That hope...no matter how hopeless it may really be."

       They exchanged one last look before the plane began to descend.

~~Present~~~

       Sydney shook her head free of the memory.  She looked back down at the card, fingers trembling.  Something told her to turn it over.  

       On the back, she found a familiar scrawl:

_Come back in time with me..._

_to where broken hearts go to mend._

       Sydney felt her breath catch in her chest.  She'd made that wish everyday - to go back in time - and now, to some degree at least, it was coming true.  She didn't know what any of this meant, but with each passing moment her heart beat a little faster, hope filling her up.

       She turned back around and headed towards her car.  She knew just where to go.

* * * *

       Ten minutes later, she arrived at the pier.  She walked slowly, the moon's light illuminating her path.   She expected to find him standing there, in the same spot they had all of those years ago when she was falling apart and he was her lifeline.  That was the moment he vowed to always be there for her, no matter what.  She could still remember grabbing his hand and holding on for dear life.  As strong and brave as she could be, she could be just as vulnerable.  And he made her feel safe.  He made her feel protected.  

       Disappointment swept through her when she found the spot vacant, except for another bunch of flowers tied to the railing.   She quickly untied the unusual flowers.  They were actually a bunch of vines with blood red flowers cascading down them.  She didn't think she had ever seen anything look so beautiful and so sad at the same time.  

       Breath catching in her chest, she read the highlighted part of the card:

Love-Lies-Bleeding 

_Meaning:  Broken heart; the ability to move beyond personal pain, suffering or mental anguish by finding larger, transpersonal meaning in such suffering_

       Sydney thought about that for a moment, finding herself in the flowers.  Beautiful on the outside, bleeding on the inside.  But, somehow, she always made it through.  Vaughn had seen both sides of her.  He was one of the reasons she was able to carry on.

       Maybe that's why this was so hard.  He was the reason for her broken heart this time...and he couldn't do anything to help her.  

       She turned the card over and read his handwriting:

_The skies stretch on forever here..._

_bits of heaven light up the sky so I can look at your beautiful face._

       Sydney smiled to herself and headed back to her car.

* * * *

       Fifteen minutes later, she arrived at the observatory.  Once again, she hoped to find him standing where he had years ago, as he confessed that he wished he could actually look at her...that they could be more.  

       She sighed as she came to their spot, finding it empty except for another bunch of flowers on the ground.  She picked up the pink flowers and read the card:

Pink Primrose Meaning: Silent love 

       Sydney thought about that for a moment.  'Silent love' could be used to describe their relationship at many points.  It could describe it now.  She never thought she'd have to hide those feelings again, but, here she was, doing just that.

       With a sigh, she turned the card over:

_I realized long ago that I'd follow you anywhere._

       Tears now formed in her eyes, as she thought about her next destination.  And, this time, she knew she'd find him there.  

* * * *

       Sydney arrived at the train station in under ten minutes.  Her breathing was now shallow and her heart rate had picked up.   She walked towards the spot where he had found her all those years ago.  He'd gone to every place she had ever mentioned - the observatory, the pier, even the bluffs and palisades - looking for her.  She still remembered how surprised she was that he remembered all of those places.  And then he'd found her here, at the train station, where you'll find normal people going to their normal jobs.  

       He'd found her.  He always did.  They always found each other, one way or another.  She'd been right about that.  

       She knew she wouldn't find him there, not just yet.  She walked to her seat and found another bunch of flowers sitting on it.  A smile pulled at her lips.  White violets.  She'd always loved white violets.  

       She sat down and read the card:

White Violets Meaning: Take a chance on happiness 

       Sydney's mouth dropped open at the words.  Could this mean what she hoped it meant?   She was still cautious, afraid to allow herself to hope too much, only to be crushed again.  

       Her mother's words from years earlier now filled her ears: "You're so willing to take risks for your country. Why aren't you willing to do the same for your own happiness?"      

       Maybe now she finally would.  If this meant what she hoped it meant, she would take that chance.  She was scared though.  Scared of loving and losing him again.  But that fear was nothing compared to the pain of living without him.  

       Slowly, she turned the card over:

_To find each other, we had to go back to the beginning._

       Suddenly, she felt him near.  He'd taken his spot behind and to the side of her.  Her heart had been racing since she'd found that first bunch of flowers.  Now, it seemed to have stopped.

       He spoke softly.  "You were right...about always finding each other."  He took a deep breath before going on. "Every Valentine's Day, my father would leave a different bunch of flowers for my mother to find somewhere.  There would be a card attached, revealing the flower's meaning that would relate back to them in some way.  On the back, there would be a note, which would lead her to a special place from their past...and to him."

       Sydney could feel the tears begin to sting her eyes at the lovely tradition that Vaughn was now carrying on.  He continued.  "To this day, my mother still has each bunch of flowers and every card.  On Valentine's Day, she spends it with my father by visiting one of those places.  It helps her remember.  She feels like he's still with her."

       Sydney swallowed hard against the lump in her throat, as he went on, "I needed you to remember how we started, Sydney.  How we trusted and supported each other.  How we wished things could be different and looked forward to a time when they could be." He paused for a moment before going on.  "The first time we did this, sitting here and talking...that was the moment I realized I was in love with you.  Deep down, I'd always known, but I'd been in denial until then.  But as I sat there I knew...I knew that wherever you were, that's where I wanted to be."

       Sydney wanted to turn her head and look at him, but couldn't bring herself to move a muscle.  

       "What does this mean?" she managed softly.

       He moved his head to look at her.  "When we were here back then, I told you about my father.  I told you what kind of man he was.  How he would question his authorities only in his journal...how he'd remain silent about his true feelings. You know it led to his death.  After our conversation on the plane, I started thinking about him...about us.  And I realized I was doing the same thing.  The silence was slowly killing me.  I didn't want to end up like my father.  I know that if he were given a chance to go back in time, he wouldn't have remained silent.  He died with those regrets.  I don't want to live with them."  

       Sydney wiped at a tear streaming down her cheek, as she struggled for words. "What about Lauren?"

       He lowered his head.  "She realized there could never be a future for us if I was living in the past.  We both let go."

       She squeezed her eyes shut, his soft voice filling her ears again.  "You said everyday you wish you could go back in time.  I do the same thing.  I don't want to do that anymore...keep wishing for a time I can't reach.  You're right here with me.  I was never happier than when I was with you, Sydney.  I can't imagine living the rest of my life without you.  I was given a second chance; I won't let it pass me by."

       Sydney looked down, as she took a deep breath and then slowly let it out.  When she looked back up, she found him standing over her, smiling.  He stretched his hand out to her.  Slowly, hand shaking, she placed it in his.  She was amazed at how well they still fit. It was as if they were made to go together. 

       She slowly stood up and came face to face with him.  He slipped his hand from hers and brought it up to her cheek.  "I've waited too long to say this.  I love you, Sydney."

       She smiled through the tears, the words sounding sweeter than she'd dreamt they would.  "I love you, too," she whispered.  

       Vaughn returned the smile, before bringing his lips to hers in a kiss.  He wrapped his arms around her waist and she snaked hers around his neck, pulling him deeper into the kiss.  After a few blissful moments, they reluctantly separated.

       He grinned at her, before reaching inside his jacket and pulling out another bunch of flowers.    

       Sydney's eyes brightened as she looked at the beautiful bell-shaped flowers.  He handed them to her.  

       "Read the card."

       She picked the card up in her fingers and read it aloud: 

White Heather 

_Meaning: Wishes will come true._

       She looked up at him with a smile.  "Believe it or not, they actually can."

       "Flip it over." 

       She turned the card over and again read it aloud:

_Happy Valentine's Day, Sydney._

_The first of many._

       They sealed the promise with a kiss. 

* * * *

       Exactly one year later, Sydney walked down the aisle towards the love of her life, eyes focused only on his.  

       In her hands, she carried a bouquet of different flowers: Asters, Love-Lies-Bleeding, Pink Primrose, White Violets, and White Heather.   

       One more had been added to the bunch:

Forget-Me-Nots 

_Meaning: True love and memories_

*****************************************THE END*********************************************

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it and please let me know what you thought! :) ~Steph


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